this time it's real-i think brown is dying . i stumbled out of hell week at work to find her disoriented and incontinent. i'm not sure if i'll have to call in the vet or not. i don't want her to suffer unduly but i'm unsure if she'll go peacefully enough on her own.
the ferals are going to be devastated. i think they view her, because of her age, as the head cat,( cats are often portrayed as solitary animals but they operate in hierarchies that are actually matriarchical. i have the feeling brown as well as being the eldest cat in the house also looks like their mom. farah could be brown's kitten) which is why they rub against her constantly rather than the other way around. brown has managed more than i ever could have to open them up to being receptive to humans. i first got to pet farah because i was petting brown and she allowed me to also touch her because she was rubbing against brown. i think brown made her feel safe given the closeness of my hands. she's showed them how to be socialized human loving house cats.
i'm so tired. everything seems so difficult and conflicted. uphill through molasses.