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fun for the whole family
mr. mitten's house of keepin' it real elizabethan fun


BEAR BAITING: you'll scream in horror as mr mittens throw's your beloved family pets to the angry, starving, riled up bears! hours of anguish-filled ,authentic fun- unparalled at any olde ' faire'.

GET THEE TO A NUNNERY, GO-GO: you're 8 years old- it's high time you made the big ha' pennies for mr. mittens, ho! hit washington street, bitch, and don't come home without the bling bling if yee know what's good for you.

GIN GIN GIN!!!!!: Elizabethan Tilt-A-Whirl! the gutter is comfy- if you have enough in ya.

OLD SKOOL ROMAN BAR-B-Q: it's 1555- and your'e not a Roman Catholic under the rule of Queen Mary- time to spark up the heretic barbie and you're ' the other white meat'.

LICE R NICE: ignore your mother- bathing just invites germs! roll in filth and get infested . the party is in your scalp!

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Oh yes, now I am really looking forward to Saturday.

I am cracking up. Except I've been on the Elizabethan Tilt-a-Whirl a few too many times. ;-)

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