it was clear after a few days that it was time for her to go. she was unable to be stabilized on the sub q fluids and had stopped eating. i took 2 vacation days and spent them lying on the floor with her waiting.
i shut off the ac because cats with crf are often cold no matter how hot it is outside. i sat with a puzzle of botticelli's primavera, the first and second complete seasons of ' twin peaks', two over- stuffed torties, a snowshoe /calico/ persian and a pokey old torbie and waited.
"The Earth’s a ball not resting on any support,
It’s great weight hangs in the ether around it.
Its own revolutions keep its orb balanced,
It has no sharp angles to press on anything,
And it’s placed in the midst of the heavens,
And isn’t nearer or further from any side,
For if it weren’t convex, it would be nearer somewhere,
And the universe wouldn’t have Earth’s weight at its centre.
There’s a globe suspended, enclosed by Syracusan art,
That’s a small replica of the vast heavens,
And the Earth’s equidistant from top and bottom.
Which is achieved by its spherical shape.
The form of this temple’s the same: there’s no angle
Projecting from it: a rotunda saves it from the rain.
You ask why the goddess is served by virgins?
I’ll reveal the true reason for that as well.
They say that Juno and Ceres were born of Ops
By Saturn’s seed, Vesta was the third daughter:
The others married, both bore children they say,
The third was always unable to tolerate men.
What wonder if a virgin delights in virgin servants,
And only allows chaste hands to touch her sacred relics?
Realize that Vesta is nothing but living flame,
And you’ll see that no bodies are born from her.
She’s truly a virgin, who neither accepts seed
Nor yields it, and she loves virgin companions.
I foolishly thought for ages that there were statues
Of Vesta, later I learnt there were none beneath her dome:
An undying fire is concealed with the shrine,
But there’s no image of Vesta or of fire.
The earth’s supported by its energy: Vesta’s so called from ‘depending
On energy’ (vi stando), and that could be the reason for her Greek name. But the hearth (focus) is named from its fire that warms (fovet) all things:
Formerly it stood in the most important room.
I think the vestibule was so called from Vesta too:
In praying we address Vesta first, who holds first place.
It was once the custom to sit on long benches by the fire,
And believe the gods were present at the meal:
Even now in sacrificing to ancient Vacuna,
They sit and stand in front of her altar hearths.
Something of ancient custom has passed to us:
A clean dish contains the food offered to Vesta.
See, loaves are hung from garlanded mules,
And flowery wreaths veil the rough millstones.
Once farmers only used to parch wheat in their ovens,
(And the goddess of ovens has her sacred rites):
The hearth baked the bread, set under the embers,
On a broken tile placed there on the heated floor.
So the baker honours the hearth, and the lady of hearths,
And the she-ass that turns the pumice millstones."-Ovid "Fasti" Book VI translation A.S.Kline
Primavera is thought to be based on Fasti, a poem describing pagan worship in rome.
"And the vigilant Morning Star leaves the Eastern waters."
i will always remember Alice for her kitten-ness. she was always my baby, my little shy girl. never a lap cat, she showed her favor by a wink, by sitting endlessly in front of me by the computer and by sleeping cuddled under the blankets with me at night, in her favorite pup tent under my knees.
she was another unfortunate victim of my particularly bad taste in roomates in the 1990's. when her human 'mom' moved out , taking alice with her, she ended up the target of the twisted sickness of one of the new obviously cruel roomates who kicked what was then a tiny kitten down a flight of stairs for peeing outside the litter box. the raging personality disorder on wheels, who dumped persia and sylvia on the street for me to rescue and left brown with me because "she liked[me] better( read: she's a difficult calico and has a funny nose growth- so not kool for trendy wendy)", apparently ponied up some previous undetectable courage to save alice and bring her to me ,not forgettting to add" you're lucky i'm letting you have her."
yes, i am. yes i was and not thanks to you but thanks to alice herself. she has been nothing but a joy. i'll take one lovely tabby cat over a host of stupid self absorbed fucked up humans any day. i am so sorry she has had to suffer for one nano second on this earth. unfortunately, the house call vet could not get here immediately but did do her best and was the perfect choice to aid alice on her way. i am grateful.
i've spent these days thanking Alice endlessly for the gift of her love. she has made my life better and worth living through the force of her sweet and shyly trusting nature. i know Her Mother is patiently waiting to shower her with the love, care and unending vitality she so richly deserves. i only hope i made her transition easier and that she knows i did what i thought was best for her. just seeing her always made me smile no matter how miserable and sad i may have been. i pray she watches over me, sleek and full of love and kittenish energy and life, now with maggie, co and persia because i sure could use the help.
" how long have you been sitting in the darkness?"