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surrounded by thorns.
sai fon
akmed
persia mohammad persia died. my landlady died. and as V's mom recently stated- to paraphrase- there's nothing but death, death, death.... it's your birthday? well, don't get too excited because you're gonna die.

so instead of keeping persia on ice in the bedroom( where she was lying in state) for a few weeks and launching litigation, i took her to the closest animal crematory , nevin's farm in Methuen. the ground was frozen so burial wasn't an option even at an actual pet cemetery.( in case you didn't know they still sometimes store bodies until the spring thaw which is what they also used to do with human remains until the invention of mechanical diggers.) going to my mother's and dealing with the whole family drama dementia was not something i was capable of doing without gunning them all down , setting fire to the house then going on a 10 state murder spree in HAL. persia was too fucking beautiful to rot in the ground anyway. fire seemed the best option.

persian cats are one of the the oldest known breeds of cat. persians colored like p-mo are often referred to as smoke persians .the breed as a whole ,however, are considered in persian folklore to have been created out of " crackling smoke, fire and star light" in payment for the deeds of the good samaritan toward a stranger in need. they are known to be gentle, easy going and the first cat to welcome new cats into the home and ,as we all can see, are ' infinitely more beautiful' than any eurotrash breed. she really was the kindest, sweetest living being i have ever known. everyday i come home to a void i have no clue as to how to fill.

persians have also been depicted as helping to guide the dead soul . it is persia who stayed with maggie's body and co until i took them up and buried them. sylvia and alice stayed with persia as i sat in the corner of my study and cried harder than i had in the longest time. i still have trouble believing she is not here. it has happened ,i know, but it still just is not possible.

"The world is differently-shaped,
wavering in strong light,
as if viewed through water.
Edges dissolve, re-form.

The cat blinks.
She has waited a long time
for you to remember her name.
Her purr, steady as a clock's heartbeat,
is a bridge from the place you have left
to the place you now are.
A reliable companion,
she guides you toward the land
whose name comes to your lips slowly."

After Fever- lisa suhair majaj

" she'll come back as fire/ burn all the liars/ leave a blanket of ash on the ground" nirvana' frances farmer will have her revenge on seattle'

i'm not so sure of the place i now am. if persia was ,and i believe it so, the one who made me more tolerant and forgiving of other humans, she is gone now.

"Rosebuds
Surrounded by thorns:
Mother cat carrying babies in mouth"- jalaluddin rumi

before i moved here, i lived in an apartment in allston which was owned by a bank as it's original owner was foreclosed upon. i lived there over 7 years until one summer day i left for work and they were auctioning my home off on the fucking sidewalk. it was all in violation of the condo laws in boston and a year long court battle ensued.

the apartment was bought by what appeared to be a pawn being fleeced by a large hong kong associated lawyers firm in downtown boston. the first time i met my new 'landlord' , he barged into my apartment with one of these cagey attorneys in tow. they then proceeded to hold a sit in because i refused to sign a lease with him- which was within my rights. i told them to get out . they started screaming at me. keep in mind, this was a week after the illegal sale of the apartment and before any court proceedings had begun. as they sat on my sofa ,ranting , with me calmly stating, over and over, "you have to leave now..." , persia mohammad put herself between me and them and began growling at them. this was the cat i heard growl perhaps 3 times in over 10 years. when the guy stood up, persia , like an attack dog, moved in on him snarling. he was scared of cats apparently and shut himself right up and sank into the back of the couch. i called the cops and they came right over and threw the two fucks out.

i had always been sort of in awe of persia but her actions stunned me- i have never seen or heard of a cat doing this. humans with that much character and bravery of heart hardly ever come along. all the people in your life you assume will protect you and ' be there' for you were most definitely not there for me even when i was a child and here this cat, a 'pet', was willing to attack something over 20 times her size to keep me safe. i owe her more than i ever can begin to relate to anyone who has never had such a presence in their life.

so monday i go to get her ashes. i have found a tasteful pyramid for them although if i had the space i would gladly build the entire complex at Giza for her. i still look up at the living room door happily waiting for her to stroll back to me from the kitchen and then i remember she is gone. the girls seem sad, confused as to both their place in the cat hierarchy now and where the mother who raised them all has gone. her gentle yet powerful presence both kept the peace and made everyone feel secure. there are little tiffs now and i sense hurt feelings. i try to spend more time with each of them but i'm no persia mohammad persia.

i need to go to the ocean.

",,,I foresee no change for the better until everything gets far worse.Only after a period of complete political and religious disorganization can the suppressed desire of the Western races, which is for some practical form of Goddess worship, with her love not limited to maternal benevolence and her afterworld not deprived of a sea, find satisfaction." the white goddess/ robert graves

and although i write of persia's beauty, and devotion and sweetness and bravery-of her love- i know that the greatest gift she gave to me, reawakened in me was faith.

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