she was the sweetest, most lovely presence in my life for over 15 years. gentle and kindest mother yet fiercely devoted to protecting us, her cubs. we are all the better for having known her and all the more stricken by her loss for having the incredible fortune of her cherished company for so long.
i'm trying desperately to keep together-i've known for sometime that her illness was very serious and coupled with her advanced age that her prognosis was not good. i knew it was near her time to go for these past few months. consumed with worry, i had been spending a lot more time with her. she spent a portion of that time sleeping in my lap- the only thing that could put me at ease for a moment or two.
i feel so alone and as if something vital has been cut out of me. my heart is broken. i am so sorry for putting her through those vet visits that she hated and all that medicine she loathed taking. i just hope that, somehow ,she knew i was doing what i thought was my best for her- not to keep her here with me beyond her time but rather in the hope that her pains and problems could be eased so she could have the most comfortable life possible. she deserved that chance and that i had her with me for 6 months longer just made me more appreciative of all the wonderful things she brought into my life. she was my anchor and if i do not go adrift now it will be a testament to the loving care with which she took me in paw and helped make me a better person than the twisted up angry wreck she came across those many years ago when i thought there would never be real love in my life.
real love went by the name persia mohammad and it's so very selfish of me to have wanted her with me forever. i know that she was so very special and of such beautiful spirit that her Mother also wanted the very same thing.