the cats are pissed off at me because i am never home to amuse them in the manner in which they approve, namely i feed and serve them and they stare at me. persia is doing so-so and is particularly miffed at me. i've noticed these past few months that she particularly wants me around.the other cats are worried about her even as they are playing battle of 'who will be the new familiar' with me and each other.
if you haven't guessed, persia is my familiar and her age and illness have basically required her to retire from that role. it's now time for me to take care of her, which ,as is appropriate for her personality, she is having a hard time accepting. i don't blame her. most times i seem inadequate and lost at best.the other cats are also feeling the shift in her deportment- she brought up all of them. sylvia is her daughter, she raised alice, who came to us as a kitten, and she's spent a lot of time comforting HB who was particularly devastated by Co's death earlier this year.and i'm so retarded i need her constant companionship to get through the day. that's a lot of responsibility for one 5 pound ,90 year old cat with a heart condition and thyroid problems.
certain times in life it seems like you are particularly prone to losing a major portion of your past. it's as if a shift is occurring and, although you may recall people ,incidents, and the feelings from that past, you are about to be severed from it in a most complete way.
i'm not entirely sure if this is a good or a bad thing. it just is. there's not a thing to be done about it even though you, yourself have created this rift. maybe it's necessary. maybe it's an advancement. maybe it's just a profound sense of loss built up enough over time that you at last feel you're about to be shoved over the cliff.
so, i'm going to work. there is one insight i have gained from all this stress and trauma associated with persia, my work and my life in general:everyone loves titties- cats, boys, girls, everyone. if you make a cake with spherical objects on top that recall madonna on the 'immaculate collection' era tour ,it will sell. the reason for the season is titties. it's all about the titties.