i've been so tired i've been pushed beyond sleep. i thought i'd crack sooner than i did- trying to scan things at the stop'n shop at 6am( because i've no food in the house, there's no food food in the bakery and they've no cashiers on at that hour )and i was yelling at the computer screen-" just shut the fuck up! just shut the fuck up! ". how i loathe uppity back talking technology. fortunately ,i was in somerville, where they're used to that sort of talk, and a nice lady helped me. 2 weeks. 160 hours. i'm starting to think i forgot how to sleep.
i was suppose to be working on a dj night- yes a dj night- focused on punk rock(for lack of better terms), female musicians and getting the fuck away from emo trash and technotots destroying whatever is left of ' alternative culture' but death,illness, and work have all intervened.
what on earth am i doing with my life? work work work. for what? i don't know. to take care of the girls for certain but it's getting in the way of my life. i suppose i put it there and you have to pay the rent, unless you have parents or someone else with money to allow you to be peter pan your whole fucking life.
work isn't so much making me dull as making me disconnected and deadpan about nearly everything.
that's it- i'm getting a big screen tv. i'm going to smoke crack and beat the pets- because, what else is there left to do?.