mr. mittens (akmed) wrote,
mr. mittens

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buy me some absinthe and crack cocaine...

my favorite purveyor gave me 2 tickets to a red socks game- good seats too. now i know what some might be thinking- moi, senor mittens at a... ball game... how... déclassé. however, a few years back i did get dragged along several times with a friend's work outings and i enjoyed myself- although i don't much recall actually watching the diamond.

i can drink beer, ok. i can make hooting noises but i'm real uncomfortable with that wave thing- too much like the marcarana or some other line dance-clearly a primitive brain washing technique.

so, there are 2 tickets which means i have to wrestle up a, well,' date' i guess. i just don't know anyone who likes sports at all except if it was dyi robot wars or a jousting match in the parking lot of a community college or perhaps rocket launchers on memorial drive when they shut it down on weekends for roller bladders. persia refuses to go because that many honkies with baseball caps on is too distressing for her delicate psyche and exalted fashion sensibilities.

if you'd like to go see the red sox in august and drink beer and see what life would be like if you weren't an art fag or goth or anime whore or vampire please submit an essay of any length on the topic of 'major league baseball players- do they really have big fat asses for professional athletes or is it the pants'. your chances of winning are good because, let's face it, i couldn't get a date in a prison with a fist full of pardons so there will be no competition from that front.

if only it was rollerball- i'm down with that shit. or even hockey because i always go for the sport where it's most likely someone will get hit with the stick.

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