mr. mittens (akmed) wrote,
mr. mittens

"MoMA made me do it/ DaDa made me do it"

"...come over to our haus / you know that it is Bauhaus"

ok , it's not exactly bauhaus, more like danish/scandinavian modern crossed with gypsy welders, but i was frankly wondering why at the age of 40 i was eating on the floor with the cats. it was time for a change so i loaded HAL's cd changer with ABBA and monochrome set cds and went to IKEA.

i deserve a kitchen table that fits in my kitchen. i'm aware that persia-mo will use it as the podium for her daily "Triumph de Willens"speech but just maybe she'll be distracted by the kitty condo they forced me to order. she'll have to figure out on her own how deep pile carpeting fits into her plans for the Master Race.

first, a few random observations:

1) there is always a parking lot spreading from the tunnels south down 93 to just beyond quincy. always. it doesnt matter what time of day it is.

2)" stoughton girls are aggressive, especially sheila"

3) stoughton??!!!!

4 )technically everyone in america, even on welfare, can be so very ,very 'bourgeois'. why you can pick blonde colored particle board and steel tube furniture right off the streets on trash day.

" and how did the workers like worker housing? oh they complained, which was their nature at this stage in history. at Pessac the poor creatures were frantically turning Corbu's cool cubes inside out trying to make them cozy and colorful. but it was understandable. as Corbu himself said, they had to be 'reeducated' to comprehend the beauty of 'the Radiant City' of the future. in matters of taste, the architects acted as the workers' cultural benefactors. there was no use consulting them directly since, as Gropius had pointed out, they were as yet culturally undeveloped." - thomas wolfe, ' from bauhaus to our house'

personally i'm more the frank lloyd wright type crossed with a fondness for accessories from the race track pit or metal foundry but unless you can make your own furniture or afford to have someone else make what you want, IKEA isn't a bad bet only because it's designed with apartment living in mind and is not generally as sterile as off the shelf at Target. i don't have room for any expansive woodworking besides shelving and i need things that can fold up and hide so i don't fall over them.

you'll spend more time trying to park at IKEA then you will driving there from boston. it's their only store in new england and there's hardly any parking. in fact the parking is so poorly thought out i was rather shocked- they've designed a kitchen table that fits 20 for a one room apartment but they cant provide their customers in an outer -'burbia location with somewhere to park the vehicles they'll be loading all that furniture into. part of the problem is that they appear to be built on a swamp which is maybe why they didn't or couldn't put more levels to the parking garage . park in the mud lot to the right after the small turn around. i'm unable to stalk a family of 4 as they leave the store without feeling creeped out and that appears to be the only way, even on a weekday, to score parking near the store.

they do have cheap food, which is good because you'll be there all day. you walk through a showroom , where everything is set up, and write down the location in the warehouse of the things you want. then you enter the 'marketplace', that has all the incidentals and smaller items you take right off the shelf. there's a lot- it's very overwhelming and i was glad i looked through their website before i went so i knew roughly what i wanted and could steer myself to it rather than getting all dazed by the sheer size and variety of the place.

i'm particularly fond of the clips and wire set they have to use for curtains- ingenious. i fucking hate curtain rods and they always tend to bend out of shape. they also actually had a glass art frame big enough for my king tut exhibit poster for which i've been searching for years.

there was no danish modern cat condo but i feel persia would be better served with something more eastern, colorful and ' ethnic'- perhaps something from Pier1 with lots of rattan and oriental carpeting?

before the checkout( long long lines) you get the furniture you picked out from the warehouse like aisles. there didn't seem to be much of a staff around so you and your back are left to damage and mangle as you will. this is part of why they're so cheap ,although you can arrange to pick up stuff or to have it delivered at an extra charge. most items do appear to be broken down to the smallest possible components so even with a smaller car you can mange to get a sofa home on your own.

i would have bought more, but i was unsure how much i could fit in HAL- never a consideration with the bronco- and i was not sure how much i could haul through the mud pit to where she was parked. in this respect IKEA is like the airport- you can't park near it and only through sheer luck can you nab one of the 5 minute loading spaces. they really need to address this problem. if people are going to drop a few bills at your establishment, you better make sure it's not a pain in the ass to get your product into their cars and home.

i was more then thrilled at the $1 soft serve ice creams at the end of shopping. i don't know anywhere in cambridge or boston you can get a damn soft serve. what the fuck is the problem with that ? everywhere in sweden you can nab a fucking soft serve. i don't want to eat designer fucking ice cream served by surly, unkept lesbians. i want soft serve- the swirly marbled kind.

they also have a section of swedish food stuffs but it's after the checkout and by that time i was all paid up i just needed to get out of there. which is a shame because i have a secret scandinavian past that needed indulging. maybe next time when i get some more shelving.


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