mr. mittens (akmed) wrote,
mr. mittens

raptors only

this is a question for any birds of prey who may be reading. does a dark green volvo station wagon( GLE 1990) resemble a mouse from ,say, several hundred feet in the air? it doesnt really squeak, although it does whirrrr ,and it is larger than ,say, a breadbox and is not covered in a pelt.

i've had a carlos castenada moment only, unlike with carlos , this really happened. in burlington. on a friday. in the car, moving down the road. and i was not making squeaking noises. i did not have a rat tied to the roof nor a bunny on the back seat. i gasped and hit the breaks even though i was boxed in by a sputtering semi- a large adult hawk swooped down on the volvo, on me, in traffic.

hawks are big. when you see them in the sky theyre pretty impressive but when theyre in your face or in your windscreen... their wing span is wider than a goddamn volvo. i thought it was going to land on the hood, but it leveled out and flew in front of me, directly in front of me at wind sheild level and i just lamely followed, captured , apparently. ive seen this same bird up on mall road hanging around the lahey clinic. in fact, i saw him/her one of the first days i was up there.

i wish one would come with me to buy a car. whatever they may say about lawyers, pimps and whores, car sales people pretty much occupy that inner ring ice block of hell. crack whores would drag themselves out of the gutter into which they've fallen if a car salesman was lying you're going to give them a lot of money in a market where car sales are down. in a market that has gone flat and promises to get worse and they treat you like absolute shit for doing the only thing you can do in one of the only markets you can still do it in- haggle. id rather goddamn steal a fucking car every day to drive to work rather than deal with these sleazy , really vapid liars.

and forget about paying in cash- they dont want to even look at you. oh , yeah a car salesman is going to give you a better car loan then your own bank. uh. not likely.this is insane. their job seems to consist of pushing families who cannot afford it into car loans that are going to financially ruin them. and heaven help you if you know anything about the car you want or the fact that they have to get rid of most of them ,like now, because the new year's cars are coming in. ass lick- it's not a rare car because it's a 2005 left on your lot- you couldnt sell the fucking thing for over 1 and a half years. it has DUST on it. ok? dust!

in the span of 4 seconds ,a salesman today told me three outright lies about the car i was test driving. it didnt have ABS. he said it did. he 'misstated 'the gas milage, the car crash rating and absolutely refused to say when the 2006 models were expected. i asked twice. he ignored me both times and seemed more interested in showing me the eye glass holder on the roof.oh yeah- that will help a lot if im side swiped on 128- at least my sunglasses will be safe. if any raptors are interested in rats instead of volvos i know just where to send them.

then people tend to think i am very young and refuse to take me seriously. then they're really really pissed off when i get what theyre trying to pull over on me and i dont roll over. they would never dream of being as rude as they are to me to suburban dad with his gnarly brood of hyper tots .i was nearly thrown out of the ford dealership by some sales manager cunt beacuse i said, "look(after they asked 5 times and i said no) i am not going to finance through you . i'll give you this much- what do you think? ". she nearly screamed at me and i just turned away from her and walked out. it was as if i had actually said 'cunt' to her face. but no, i had politely stood my ground and refused to do what they wanted. i was game-i low balled , and not by much, but was clearly open to some haggling.when you dont need their financing and dont need them to buy your old car ,you have the power, not them, and they'd rather loose a sale- the sale of something theyre itching to get off the lot anyway - then give in to some near teenager who happens to be 41years old and knows how the internal combustion engine works, thank you.i would have stuck it out if she hadnt yelled at me . ill drive a fucking cooper before i give a cent to someone who treats clients like that, but, alas, that's how everyone is handled who doesnt offer up their fleece to be shorn off.

there was no one on the lot- the crickets were goddamn chirping. bitch, there arent going to be any docile families on your lot in a month for you to screw. just a heap of brand new 2006 cars no one will be buying. but nothing will change. i am really hating this and i really love cars.everyone has to make money. i offer you money i worked very hard for, you treat me with at least a smidgeon of respect , we talk about it and hopefully we reach a deal where we both get what we want. it really is that easy. lets fucking do it.

ive got raptors on my side. car eating raptors. look out.

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