mr. mittens (akmed) wrote,
mr. mittens

serial killer kat names

as i've been trying for weeks to distill down the sprawling completely byzantine mysteries of the numerous Southside(being south central LA)Slayers, generating mounds of notes, stacks of papers, and printouts of what seems like the entire news archive of the LA Times( hardly anyone writes books about black serial killers and no one writes about their black victims. name a black serial killer.),besides being depressed and feeling helpless, i have alienated and pissed off the ladies. they sit their fat, furry asses on whatever i happen to be working on. they lounge on the computer keyboard. they plant themselves in front of the computer screen. they collate Very Important Papers by sliding them off the desk onto the floor where they can chew and drool on them.

so, yes, being jealous and yet whimsical creatures they have issued a demand for catchy serial killer nicknames.

missy rimbaud actually has had her own SKN for quite some time- The N'Orleans Nipper. oh, she'll love you long time alright but while she's licking your face and covering your neck with kisses i suggest watching out for your jugular vein. she refers to them as 'wee love bites' but 9 times out of 10 emergency response personel suggest applying pressure to the wound until help arrives.

miep simone bathsheba clytemnestra tutankhamun merman was elected 'too scary looking' to adopt at the shelter.although she's quite sweet for a tortie, she has the most disconcerting bug eyed stare- and she likes looking at you all the time. and if she's eye balling you and you move, she yells at you. The Scary Starer .

sure, she spends half the day sleeping but wake her up and she embarks on a rampage of terror reminiscent of attila the hun. when djinn first invaded the apartment with her anatolian/main(e)iac charms she was The Random Tingler but since then she's re-channeled her fear of abandonment into beating the crap out of rimbaud every day. the deceptively sluggish, all-consuming Moloch of the faux sheep skin cat bed, The Grim Napper. here she is posing with her bff, the Cat of the Dead, sipping Chartreuse from the skull of the original Lassie.

lucie first came to the attention of authorities as The Insecure Hider. after settling in and then requiring daily medication she has become the still somewhat elusive but highly lethal Medford Masher AKA The Tortie-dile Snapper.trying to get an eye dropper of fluid into her vice-like, sharp toothed maw is akin to wrestling a crocodile who has over indulged in crystal meth while you're both slathered in cooking oil.

isn't she just precious and so cuddly looking in her soft, inviting nest of blankies! but beware- even though miss nixie has baited her human hunting trap with huggable, adorable cuteness, she's still The Semi-Feral Snuggler. i wouldn't mess with it if i were you-she'll give you an ever so nasty look and burrow deeper into her lair of evil coziness.

so pretty! so demure, shy and lady-like! but when she's hungry tallulah-belle is transformed into the dread Suppertime Stalker. just try getting through the kitchen without tripping, falling and not being able to get up when she runs interference. obey the cat, bitch, or taste floor tile!

from Mother Russia with sleep apnea it's The Siberian Snorer. no they haven't been slowly chain sawing down all the trees on your block for the last 3 years- the lady chablis is just napping again.

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