mr. mittens (akmed) wrote,
mr. mittens

dear steve jobs,

i understand you have no reason to give a fuck about me and my little problems with your most precious, most perfect cult fetish items. you're too busy saving the world and making life livable for mere mortals by making boodles of money and buying turtle neck jerseys. it's not your fault, of course, that my g5 lost it's mind on tax day and completely shut down, a technological suicide spiral right when i needed it the most. 6 years is good for a computer, really, i understand, my bad- i should have been buying up the next best thing you were kind enough to offer us unworthy drone ants the instant you revealed them to the anxious, waiting world so keen for the next gadget that would usher them into the loving arms of post post modern salvation through geek lust and envy. most importantly, i wantonly ignored, by using a 7 year old computer, the commandment to irrationally obtain, at all and every cost, your newest and thus best, most marvelous, most desirable, most necessary objet.

i'm flawed; i apologize; i have sinned against the great fruity monolith.

but, fuck ,come on.i waited nearly a month for the new imacs. that's a month of trying to communicate from a 2nd generation itouch like a cave person. it was like sending up smoke signals or tapping out morse code with a flashlight. you try using previous versions of flash on a G3( you did that on purpose, didn't you? does your wrath know no bounds? i hear java is next to be excommunicated.) i know i should have been up to date. i know i should have a shrine to the Performa or the Lisa or OS 8 in my bedroom, lovingly surrounded with flickering candles and offerings of incense and sheep. and i should have had a macbook and an ipad and an iphone anyway to mind the gap.

you already know, i have confessed, i am not perfect in my devotions to you.

every thing was going good, even though half my most expensive software was being rendered obsolete by snow leopard and lion. the imac completed me and was so beautiful. so so beautiful. i was so grateful you let me purchase a new computer in your supermarket/mosque/church/tabernacle of infinity and ultimate perfection. but that was only in may, glorious abundant with promise may.

and now, you recall my hard drive? the hard drive trapped in an all in one machine that has been engineered to make it difficult for the devotee to replace it on their own? the large machine that has to be dragged all the way back to the store? this is my only option so you can avoid a class action lawsuit? and i have to be without a computer for days, number unspecified...?

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