August 12th, 2009

twist in my sobriety

the simple thing is that- i just don't like mean. why are people mean to their friends instead of perhaps expressing their feeling about why they are so upset or hurt as to cause them to boil their resentment down into cruelty toward people that actually genuinely like and are respectful of them? truth be told, i am no longer interested in exposing myself to gutter sniping by people close to me no matter what the reason. if it's bad to say negative things about strangers why is it ok to be disrespectful, randomly cunty and build up a heaping helping of negative feelings about those who are best viewed as allies instead of boogeymen because they- gasp- do not think exactly like you do.( or whatever- really i can't answer to the whys of the behaviors of others, i can only guess.)

anyway, sad as it might be, i'd rather focus my energy on enjoying my life and my passions and treating those near me with respect which means allowing them to be autonomous in thought and feeling. there's nothing as mutilating to friendship and exchange of ideas than feeling you can't express an opinion about the simplest of things without being slapped. if someone treats me with complete contempt the second i open my mouth before one word passes my lips- when i have done nothing to them to deserve it- i can't say that they value my friendship or my being very much at all. that sort of relationship appeals to me not at all.

'want more, need less'. why the hell isn't that curve song on utube? that really is my feeling- i want more, need less. quality not quantity.

it's tanita tikarim's birthday. i was awfully fond of this song- played it out often. it's very goth, twirly.