November 14th, 2006


it's Clear , i'm raving

i'd like to say- i fucking give up.

first, i dropped a heavy piece of furniture on my big toe and shattered it. now that that's finally healed i walked into a concrete bench and almost ripped my kneecap off after having fallen over a crate in my kitchen and gouging a hunk out of my other knee. i dumped a whole cup of hot coffee in my lap last week and i just poured a glass of wine into my computer's speakers. i'm not usually this clumsy. i feel so out of sorts.

on going in for her check up, they found more liquid on persia's lungs that had to be removed. they might adjust her medication- i don't know- but it's depressing the hell out of me- the thought of losing her even though i know she's almost 20 and her prognosis was guarded considering all that was wrong with her heart. i can't begin to describe how i feel about that cat. i'm adrift and my heart is broken. i just don't give a fuck about anything because i know her health has been in such jeopardy and a feel at a loss all around.

and now i can't even go out and forget about all this sadness because fucking recycled ravers and their crappy ceremony bred techno gay disco has infested every even vaguely goth club in and around the city. i can't even have the simple pleasure of paying to go to what's advertised as a club playing goth/ industrial music because they all play NEITHER. form your own technotool club- come out already- and go off on your own and bring the tyrannical raver tots with you. those of us who know what goth and industrial are have been driven away from the clubs that purported to be catering to us. thanks for taking our money for 10-20 years and playing goddamn disco by electrocuted sodomite warthogs for us while people under 30 whirl glow sticks and pretend they're not fucking homos.

techno is not industrial music.
techno is not goth music

i'm so fed up i am seriously considering moving . people herding reindeer under the midnight sun undoubtedly can tell musical genres apart with more finesse and taste and are more in touch with their sexuality. fucking reindeer stuck on an ice floe know more about industrial music than anyone alleging to play it in boston.

and it's not like you even play the good original techno because you fucking have no idea what that would be. what, it's not a category on itunes so you 'd have to bloody think for yourself and buy some goddamn vinyl or do a little research on line seeing how no one appears to be old enough or frankly cool enough to have been into any of it at the time.

but of course these are lame, rather iffy, after the fact alternatives to actually having experienced the scene at the time which was vibrant and exciting instead of dead gay horse beat over and over again with the disco dolly whip.

techno is disco and disco is gay and therefore if you play techno you are GAY. there- is that enough to fucking stop you ruining the only one or 2 nights we have?

now i'm off to fall on my face and worry about my cat. i expect some irate nerd will post something from nj or some other fabulous cultural center about how angry i am. fine. dandy . as long as i don't have to hear another goddamn new order remake , i'll be almost ok.