March 21st, 2004

siamese is known to please


bachelorette # 3 : sylvia esther bint persia mohammad persia
breed: persian/siamese/ ragdoll
age: just right
occupation: sumo wrestler and selkie

ok it's generally danger danger messing with the Mother and the daughter but this asialicious dish is one sultry love bomb. miss sylvie is indeed the daughter and heir apparent to Queen of the Universe, Mullah of Muff -the Sublime Persia Mohammad Persia and , apparently, a selkie. if you don't know what a selkie is -wake up!!!!- before it's too late and yours leaves you to weep at the loss of her/him...

this flamming hot pu pu platter of selkie softness likes to wear her VAGINA t-shirt every single day and lie around on the tops of her sleeping victims heads- sucking out their heat and filling their third eyes with voluptuous dream visions of ancient mystical napping places swarming with fat happy cats.

when asked if she'd marry me -she put her seal skin back on and dove free into the waves.

some just cant be tamed . wild things swim fast back to the lost cities we can only just dream of.

get ur freak on


bachelorette #4: harriot brown
breed: tabby-esque calico
age: don't ask/dont tell
occupation: freaky ass bitch

so, honestly, i dont think i can marry miss brown. sure she has oodles of what one might call ' personality' ,on a good day , however she's just too fucking freaky for me. cat and crack, as whitney houston will tell you, is wack.

it's impossible to smack this super freak's ass as much as she craves it. she's obsessed with arm pits and red haired girls. oh yes she's the kind you dont take home to mother. on the more positive side, the mechanically inclined and very intelligent miss h can open closed doors and drag 25 pound bags of cat food out of shut cupboards and open them.

although i wont ask her to marry me , i can say that harriot brown is a devoted and affectionate friend who, like most humans who arent half as sweet, needs firm boundaries.

so .. what can brown do for you today ? i know what you can do for her....spank spank...