mr. mittens (akmed) wrote,
mr. mittens

the ultrasound and x-rays have come back and the outlook is not good. what's wrong with farah's kidneys is looking more like a cancer and not something like a blockage or infection that could have been medically attended to successfully- which was the hope. although she is stabilized there's no way to keep her that way without constant medical intervention. her prognosis is that in all probability she will continue to decline. of the things suspected to be wrong, not one is something that can be cured or reversed.

in light of this, i feel i have no option but to let her go home to Her Mother. with all that i have been through with sick cats the past few years, this is even more devastating because of her youth and the amazing progress we have made together from her rough start in life as an unwanted human fearing feral. i never thought i would be able to pet her and her sister and yet they have become the two sweetest most loving cats anyone could wish to know. i am so honored that they have chosen to be close to me and have thrived here- friends to all the other cats and intensely curious about humans despite their great reservations about them. i would never have gotten through the deaths of persia, alice, sylvia, and harriot brown without them and their often guarded yet ultimately gentle and caring ways. they're the best cats in the whole fucking world ! lately they're what's been getting me through the days-i'm always happy to be home with the ladies-always the best part of any day.

i have learned more about patience from farah and her sister - more than i could ever hope to learn through any other means. their capacity for trust against all odds and over their completely justified fears of this fucked up and cruel world has touched me to the core. i owe them.

my hope was always that we'd enjoy a lifetime together with the rest of the girls but this is not to be so. while this saddens me i know i cannot allow her to suffer. sometime loves' most perfect yet most difficult path is letting go. i believe i am doing the right thing but it still weighs on me so heavily.

your heart is breaking, but you go on.

if anyone is of the mind and ability please consider making a contribution in farah's honor to the Cat Connection in waltham- the wonderfully kind people who rescued farah and nixe. regular shelters would have euthanized such feral cats and do as a matter of course. i know they are experiencing a food shortage in their program to feed outdoor feral cat colonies. even if you can donate just a bag of cat food it would be appreciated and another farah would get another chance to be someone's special girl .

so, i must go to be with her and then i will bring her up to nevins' myself. please offer a thought to comfort her soul. and as for me i already have another of those cat shaped holes in my heart.

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