i could hear the dog fights at night. this horrible curdling shrieking in pain and fear- someone was running goddamn dog fights but no one cared because of where it was. why wasn't anyone else bothered by this?-i was withdrawing- it sent me shuddering, shivering around, unsafe and out of bounds, anywhere. cruelty comes off people in waves- a caustic napalm lotion of indifference and stupidity. i have to stop sleeping on couches but i have nowhere to go and can't complain. one day i wake up and the house is littered with bras. reality is getting worse than the sea of Durer etching hallucinations of horses and knights- oceans of hair, screaming frown.
i put leonard and pj in their cage on the tiny backporch- no one goes there ever and i figure they'll be ok for one night- they've been here for weeks- while i try and wangle a better place to stay. not accessable from the street- everyone in the apartment knows i have the 2 rats and they are pets- clean, friendly, smart . i come back the next day to get them. no one is home and someone has poisoned them. it's so vicious in a lame, pathetic way- they couldn't get out of the cage.
there is this meaning humans have attached to ' ratness' as being shifty and untrustworthy and dirty... but this is a projection. i know who the foul unspeakable, untrustworthy, disease carrying vermin is... and it was not leonard and pj.
ahh the human ability to reason and use logic- one step ahead of the chimp and the spider. certainly fair superior to the Norway Rat. the blame for the Black Death(circa 1347) , carried as we now know by the fleas on the rats on ships coming into europe from the east, was placed on the Jews. once again our 'german' friends rose to the forefront of this extermination of the Pest ' issue' and promptly started burning every beady eyed shifty jew-rat. really, you, fucking nazis- what is your problem? tell me, are you over it yet?
the truth be told, i was sad about leonard and pj because i know there are some that equate the Holocaust to eating a hamburger and others who can kill another human as easily as they poisoned you that day. then there's the fact that leonard and pj trusted me and we all learned, cruelly, that trust in humans is sorely misplaced. to this day, for the most part, the company of rats is preferable to that of humans.
never let me down . my judgements are swifter and more pointedly vicious than anyone's random, jerk-off cruelty. i dont have to care and i survive like the rat on the ship deck