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them bones
" i believe them bones are me..."

back in january- the week i decided to quit my old job- i got a very weird message from my mother on my machine. it was just,' i have to talk to you." then she never called back nor bothered to say what about so i assumed it was some stupid shit with her fucked up family and not something really serious- you know, like the death of my goddamn father.

it was, in fact, the death of my goddamn father. seeing how she was not about to give me any power over dealing or not dealing with my father- as she always has under the guise of ' protecting' me-she just dropped a nondescript call and went into hiding . i was in the middle of a major change in my life which was very traumatic to start with so i decided at the time (assuming it was something trivial or she'd have had the decency to elaborate a little more even in a message), that unless she gave it up i would just deal with her later when my situation had settled down a bit.

i don't believe she's kept his fucking death from me for nearly a month just to manipulate me into calling her. what's he to her or her twisted fucking family? i am the only one blood related to him- one of the few still alive . it's none of her fucking business whether i wanted to see his sorry dead body launched into the dirt or not. if she thinks the only problem in my life pertaining to how i turned out so cold blooded is my father... sister, you've got it coming- you're about as distant and self absorbed as you always claimed he was. at this poin,t i can't fucking stand either of you.i am so sick of being fucked over by you both over 40 years on- you're both horrid parents. i wouldn't treat a cat the way you've both treated me.

so, good for you- you're the last parent standing and i can never see him alive now. happy? i needed some sort of resolution with him and you've done everything in your power to prevent it. i needed it and wanted it and you couldn't stand it. i am so fucking pissed off at you now. your back stabbing eel of a brother couldn't stand it anymore either so he dropped a dime on you and told me that Phil was dead before you could froth it up into whatever you wanted to present to me. ah-busted.

all i wanted was to know if my dad was dead- and she wouldn't give it to me !!!!( bonus points if you get that reference....)

oh hell i'll give it to you

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You're not crazy, they're the ones that are crazy.

I hope whatever sad or angry feelings you have over this subsides swiftly and you feel some closure.

persia dying meant more to me and was a greater loss. what a pathetic father- your only child thinks more of a fucking cat than of you. i dont think it's as sad as it is pathetic.right now i am just furious at my mother's manipulative cruelty. all those years ive no doubt he was an asshole but in truth she wasnt all that much help. i had to bring myself up in a hail storm of abuse and neglect. now she cant even allow me access to my father in his death. what a fucking bitch. for what i needed from him he had to be alive- and now there's no chance of it- both liberating and a loss all at once.

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