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"love dove above" or sat in your lap
sai fon
akmed
" wings fill the window
and they beat and bleed"

doves. doves and birds of all sorts. i see a cardinal for the first time in cambridge. hawks follow me. doves dance in the broken sprinklers at work-hopping around the pavement. birds take the soul up to heaven. birds tear your heart out on the side of a mountain. take me home. it's hard to be here. home can never be here. but it's not time to go.

there's a sort of saturday in the park carnival atmosphere- from a time when celebrations had a ritual religious meaning. when joy was found in spirituality rather than being crushed out of it in masochistic debasement and irrational submission to mere humans . there are harlequins, the fools dressed in bicolored overflowing robes. there are three of them.

" the use of physical freaks as jesters is surely in part the expression of an ambivalence that also results in the regulation of such people to the margins of human society. grotesques have both positive and negative powers; they are hideously attractive; they should be approached, avoided, abused and placated." the fool and his scepter. w. willeford.

" harelquin/hermaphrodite. lechers and prankish mourners who give birth to children. the harlequin wears the hermes cap and brandishes a rod, a simplified caduceus which confers invisibility and ubiquity"

holiday used to mean holy day and not the kind 'indulged' in through fasting and bead counting by the christian western world we're wading in miserably. geting drunk, dressing up, dancing in the streets were forms of worship . to this day the culture cannot rid itself of these pagan notions so desperately do we require them. ever wonder why at mardi gras events around the globe people dress in drag? it was a requirement of goddess worship.

" this mixture of sentimental refinement and pathetic horror reveals a strange attraction matched by revulsion for sexual ambiguity. " the cults of the roman empire "on the restrictions on and violence against the eunich priests of the great goddess

i float in the air, on my side, curled up as if sleeping or in the womb. i am aware of the fair, of the jesters ,of the park but i have shifted consciousness as a natural course of things rather than as an abstraction, a symbol or a hallucination.i shut my eyes and can still see. the harlequins lift their robes out around their bodies and out fly birds who dart at me, beaks first. i am not scared. it does not hurt ,this simulation of the hitchcock movie ' the Birds', a movie that terrified me senseless as a child.

do the birds fall around me? do they fly off behind and above me? i do not know. i think perhaps they fly into me and nest there.

they are doves, totem of aphrodite.

" Aphrodite as bringer of death, or 'peace', sometimes bore the name Irene, dove of peace...Romans called her Venus Columba, Venus-The-Dove. Her catacombs, mausoleums and necropoli were known as columbaria, 'dovecotes'...In the Orient , the mystic seven were the Pleiades or the Seven Sisters whose Greek name meant' flock of doves.' ... The cult of the doves used to incorporate primitive rites of castration and...circumcision. India called the Seven Sisters 'razors or 'cutters' who judged and critically wounded men, the Krittikas, Seven Mothers of the World, root of the Greek word 'judge'. They killed and gave rebirth to gods who were castrated to make them fertile, like women. The name of Queen Semiramis, legendary founder of Babylon, also meant dove in the Syrian tongue." graves,bachofen,rank cited in walker.

"the sun will burn a hole right through your parasol..."

filled with birds, i walk through the park. a dove walks up to me and i bend down to meet her on the pavement. i place my open mouth right up to her beak and... she slips me the tongue!

i wake up. perhaps.

"... so you hire a bird to sing your song
and you buy her the tree to start things off
and you wire the words through lines of leaves
and the higher you sing, the more she hears
she may never sing
she may never show
but you dont know." - 'hire a bird' think tree.

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